Bonn-chan's Blog

You watch me but you don’t know
That I see you.
You stand at my door but you don’t know
That I hear you knock.
You wait for me but you don’t know
That I wait for myself as well.
In your fortress you watch from a tower.
Your unlockable gates are open to me,
And I’m free to come in as I please.
Why the wait?
Why the hesitation?
I’ve nothing to lose.
What is there to choose?

This is a moment,
A moment I wait,
But a moment should pass away into fate.

Your door may be open,
But what do I fear?
I seek another entrance that isn’t as clear.
I beat around your walls, feeling that I’m near,
But all that I accomplish
Is a crumble in your wall and a callus on my fist.

The moment I’ve created
Cuts me deep and hurts my heart,
But I know I’m not the only one I’ve harmed.
I know this moment wounds you too,
I know, much worse than me.
And that itself cuts me much deeper,
For it’s because of you I Be.

Your fortress may intimidate,
But I will not be daunted.
I drop my sword and go in toward
A love like what I’ve never seen.

the tears stream
down
your face,
As I lie there and
stare
into the
big, soulful eyes
I fell in love with
Now, I see them fade
and blur
as you comprehend
what happened
I'm sorry for what I did to you
I never meant
to hurt you.
As the dark haze
clouds my vision,
I ask one last thing of you
"Please, forgive me"
I hear a faint yes,
as my breath escapes
and everything
goes
black

Blood stained memory,
Of the night before,
Of how they left her,
When shehad hit the floor.

Her "Mommy" never loved her,
Her "Daddy" never cared,
They only give her bruises,
That she has to wear.

She's just a little girl,
Yet she does everything herself,
The only thing she needs,
Is someway to get help.

She stayed at the school,
And now she comes home late,
She knows that when she gets there,
Her drunken "Daddy" waits.

She walks inside the door,
No one hears her cry,
Taking all the punishment,
And never asking why...

How dare you do this to me.
Crushing me down to make you look strong!
You thought I'd give in,
bitch, you're wrong.
You thought I would sink,
and say "oh well"
I'm shocked I dealt with you,
I'm glad I broke your spell.

You thought you were so dark,
When I was ebony.
You thought you were so strong,
You're weaker then me.
You thought you won,
You thought you got away.
I swear to god, I'll kick your ass,
if I run into you some day.

You made fun of me for being anorexic,
just because I'm thinner then you.
You called me a slut,
Just because I'm prettier too.
You thought you broke me,
I'm fucking alive and doing great!
You thought you had broke me,
Bitch, you're too late.

You whined about you're life,
When its better then most.
You are so full of shit,
all you do is boast!
You're jealous of me,
Just admit it!
You're jealous cause I'm me,
and you're shit.

You lied to me,
I should have known,
Because you're selfishness,
was so easily shown.
Every voice in my head was screaming:
"SHE'S A FUCKING BITCH!!"
But, now you're gone,
I'm sowed up and all I have left is this little stitch.

You really have it locked in your head,
that you're better then me.
You really think you have it so bad,
OPEN YOU'RE MOTHERFUCKING EYES AND SEE!

I let you come crawling back,
until your hands and knees were bleeding.
I let you come back,
and keep on deceiving.
No more! No more!
I am stronger then you.
No more! No more!
I'm wiser too!

I never did I need you,
Never at all.
You were only here
to point out my every flaw.

I have friends now,
who care about me.
Who comfort me when I'm crying,
instead of pretending not to see.
When I was down,
they helped me out.
when I was broken and crying,
they heard me shout.
I love them so much,
because they're better then you.
They help my problems,
I help their's too.
They listen to me,
and I listen to them.
And They all laughed,
when you said you thought you were stronger then I am...

So this is the end, she thought
As she sat and stared at him
No real explanation
Just an end
Is that what it had all boiled down to?

She searched herself
Trying to find something to make him stay
To make him try…
Some thing to keep him from giving up
But he’d long since known it all
Long since made up his mind
And if none of it mattered
Then there was nothing more she could say…

He had no real reason
Only said that it couldn’t go on
But he promised he wouldn’t be like the others
He would still be there
Be one, that she could still call a friend

She wanted to believe him…
Wanted to believe this time would be different
That she wouldn’t loose both lover and friend
But apprehension set into her bones again
Turning her skeleton to stone
And she just couldn’t shake it
No matter how she tried to
And rightfully so…

He was ignoring her
Attempts at talking yielded only short answers
Quick excuses for why he had to leave
He became so foreign to her
No longer even the shadow of the man he use to be
Until she gave up altogether
And conversation ceased

She wondered what happened
To the boy with the brilliant eyes
Were his eyes still the same as hers?
The only ones she had ever seen like her own
Aside from her mothers
Or had they changed to?
Where had that boy gone?

He broke my heart in two today...
No scratch that, reverse, rewind.
He broke my heart into a million unrecognizable pieces
That I couldn't sort through.
The pieces were so small that it was hard to even begin putting them together.
Like a puzzle, a jig saw I wanted to put my heart back together again...
But the pieces were so jagged and raw that it was virtually impossible.

He broke my spirit today...
No scatch that, reverse, rewind.
He broke my being into an oblivion.
I couldn't even find any fragments left of me.
I've been broken, beaten down before
But this takes the cake of them all.

He broke my self esteem today...
No scratch that, reverse, rewind.
He broke the pretty little pieces I admired about myself.
It took years to gain them and in an instant he took them.
Like a bandit in the night stealing jewels he took them away.
Ran off with them and I'll never see them again.

He broke me as a whole today...
No scratch that, reverse, rewind.
He broke my entire self.
I can't look at myself today for my eyes are blood shot.
My lips are quivering and I can't stand to watch them shake.
My hair is oily and dirty with an endless amount of tangles today.
My heart is no longer there but the empty black hole is...
And it's waiting, lurking in the dark to suck anyone with any emotion
Into it's dark and murky depths.
But I can't guarantee you'll make it out alive
Because it sucked me up and I didn't last a minute.

THIS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME!
i just...liked it...you know