June 5th, 2015
Have you seen a 15 year old teenager?
Anime Relations: Shiki
At 10 PM last night, all of the lights in the basement were off and I was seated in front of the television, ready to dive into the darkness of Silent Hill once again. It had been a few years since I played the first game and I became interested in revisiting the game after listening to the soundtrack.
However, I ended up finding more disappointment than fear as I played the game.
To start, I believe the sequel, Silent Hill 2, has spoiled me with it's engrossing (but dark) storyline, smoother controls and easier difficulty. Why?
Even as I took my first steps into Silent Hill 1, the controls just didn't feel right to me. Unlike James Sunderland, Harry Mason was more difficult for me to maneuver and I found myself occasionally running into walls. Combat was another part of the game that Silent Hill 2 ruined for me because my mind was expecting all of the enemies to be lethargic and easy to kill.
I looked like a fool trying to kill the skinless dogs with the lead pipe and ended up wasting a couple of health drinks I obtained a few minutes ago. My recent playthroughs of action or shooting games may also have a part to play into this, as I fell into the mentality of “kill everything in sight” rather than the more appropriate “run and avoid combat when you can.”
Of course, that's not easy when you have flying pterodactyls (“Air Screamers”) chasing you and swooping down to take away some life, especially when you are trying to look for items.
But that was not as much of an issue as the game failing to scare me; even while playing it in the dark. As I went through the school and checked each room, I found myself more focused on finding puzzles solutions and getting to the next area than dreading the next enemy encounter or scare. This mentality didn't change when the school morphed into the Otherworld version of itself. Despite the presence of hanging corpses on the wall, medieval torture devices and grated walls and floors, I wasn't able to immerse myself into the game like I did when I was 15-16 years old.
“Okay, we've got to find the pink ball and go up onto the roof. After we plug up the first hole with the ball, we turn the valve and the water will flow through the second hole, dropping the key down to the courtyard.”
Well, that may be more detailed than what I was actually thinking. But you still get the gist of it.
The child demons (or “Grey Children” as they are called) failed to disturb me as well.
I mean, how are they supposed to be scary when you can just walk up to them slowly and gun them down or when you can just stand there and bludgeon them with the pipe (I only did this when they weren't in groups).
What also ruined the experience was that I remembered all of the game's scares; even some of the ones that don't appear in the school level. I also remember that the game's plot-line was B-movie in nature, with demons and occult stuff, its only saving grace being the psychological symbolism behind everything. But I think Silent Hill 2 did a better job with that.
Another reason for not getting scared is that I've become a different person over the years. Back when I was 15-16, I was extremely socially isolated and often had dark and violent thoughts, some which I'd rather not divulge to the public. Because I had difficulty telling reality from fiction, it was easy for Silent Hill 1 to terrify me. I was also heavily obsessed with it, starting with the urge to get the game and play it. The soundtracks from both games received much airtime in my media player and I occasionally shared my disturbing thoughts with others, believing it was cool to look like an insane individual to others.
But since I've experienced tragedy and life changes through the past few years, I've become a different person and things like the first Silent Hill game just don't excite me anymore. When I look at most horror fiction now , I sometimes find myself mocking the poor decisions of some characters, plot holes, or the work's presentation.
In fact, I made a comment that “Harry Mason sounds like Hank Hill” during the first conversation of the game. While I obviously don't mind the average voice acting that permeates horror games, I just couldn't help myself, especially with award-winning dialogue like:
“Oh, I feel like I've been run over by a truck, but okay... I guess.”
The last thing I can probably say is that my taste has changed. In my mid-adolescence, I did not look at games as critically as I do now and I didn't expect an outstanding storyline or excellent gameplay. When it comes down to it, I think Silent Hill 2 is better for its gameplay improvements over the first and the storyline that is quite relatable now, since I have experienced loss before.
I'm also on the lookout for good horror experiences and I am interested in checking out Fatal Frame 2 and the visual novel, Saya no Uta in the future.
However, I ended up finding more disappointment than fear as I played the game.
To start, I believe the sequel, Silent Hill 2, has spoiled me with it's engrossing (but dark) storyline, smoother controls and easier difficulty. Why?
Even as I took my first steps into Silent Hill 1, the controls just didn't feel right to me. Unlike James Sunderland, Harry Mason was more difficult for me to maneuver and I found myself occasionally running into walls. Combat was another part of the game that Silent Hill 2 ruined for me because my mind was expecting all of the enemies to be lethargic and easy to kill.
I looked like a fool trying to kill the skinless dogs with the lead pipe and ended up wasting a couple of health drinks I obtained a few minutes ago. My recent playthroughs of action or shooting games may also have a part to play into this, as I fell into the mentality of “kill everything in sight” rather than the more appropriate “run and avoid combat when you can.”
Of course, that's not easy when you have flying pterodactyls (“Air Screamers”) chasing you and swooping down to take away some life, especially when you are trying to look for items.
But that was not as much of an issue as the game failing to scare me; even while playing it in the dark. As I went through the school and checked each room, I found myself more focused on finding puzzles solutions and getting to the next area than dreading the next enemy encounter or scare. This mentality didn't change when the school morphed into the Otherworld version of itself. Despite the presence of hanging corpses on the wall, medieval torture devices and grated walls and floors, I wasn't able to immerse myself into the game like I did when I was 15-16 years old.
“Okay, we've got to find the pink ball and go up onto the roof. After we plug up the first hole with the ball, we turn the valve and the water will flow through the second hole, dropping the key down to the courtyard.”
Well, that may be more detailed than what I was actually thinking. But you still get the gist of it.
The child demons (or “Grey Children” as they are called) failed to disturb me as well.
I mean, how are they supposed to be scary when you can just walk up to them slowly and gun them down or when you can just stand there and bludgeon them with the pipe (I only did this when they weren't in groups).
What also ruined the experience was that I remembered all of the game's scares; even some of the ones that don't appear in the school level. I also remember that the game's plot-line was B-movie in nature, with demons and occult stuff, its only saving grace being the psychological symbolism behind everything. But I think Silent Hill 2 did a better job with that.
Another reason for not getting scared is that I've become a different person over the years. Back when I was 15-16, I was extremely socially isolated and often had dark and violent thoughts, some which I'd rather not divulge to the public. Because I had difficulty telling reality from fiction, it was easy for Silent Hill 1 to terrify me. I was also heavily obsessed with it, starting with the urge to get the game and play it. The soundtracks from both games received much airtime in my media player and I occasionally shared my disturbing thoughts with others, believing it was cool to look like an insane individual to others.
But since I've experienced tragedy and life changes through the past few years, I've become a different person and things like the first Silent Hill game just don't excite me anymore. When I look at most horror fiction now , I sometimes find myself mocking the poor decisions of some characters, plot holes, or the work's presentation.
In fact, I made a comment that “Harry Mason sounds like Hank Hill” during the first conversation of the game. While I obviously don't mind the average voice acting that permeates horror games, I just couldn't help myself, especially with award-winning dialogue like:
“Oh, I feel like I've been run over by a truck, but okay... I guess.”
The last thing I can probably say is that my taste has changed. In my mid-adolescence, I did not look at games as critically as I do now and I didn't expect an outstanding storyline or excellent gameplay. When it comes down to it, I think Silent Hill 2 is better for its gameplay improvements over the first and the storyline that is quite relatable now, since I have experienced loss before.
I'm also on the lookout for good horror experiences and I am interested in checking out Fatal Frame 2 and the visual novel, Saya no Uta in the future.
Posted by DeadSnow24th | Jun 5, 2015 10:33 PM | 0 comments
June 2nd, 2015
The child said "I wanted it to last forever"
Anime Relations: NHK ni Youkoso!, Ookami to Koushinryou II
Last week was miserable, as my depression reached another low point. On the day after I had a fun party on Memorial Day weekend, I felt like nothing. Usually when me and my friends would have a party, I would have little trouble re-adjusting to my normal routine.
But that day, I just did a few household chores and loitered around the basement, listening to music. During that time, I wished that the party would have lasted longer. But then I regarded that as something only a child would say. My friends have their own lives, careers and one of them is even getting married. "I should just quitting acting a child and become an 'adult'. Deal with the pain."
But I'm just a reclusive NEET with an Asperger's and long-term depression.
However, I think my depression was already starting to manifest itself during the party.
When my friends went out onto the balcony to drink alcohol, I just sat down on the couch and sulked. I had The Beach Boys' "I Guess I Just Wasn't Made For These Times" and eventually The Beatles' "Nowhere Man" playing in the background while I slowly drank a bottle of cream soda like it was beer.
For some reason, I had decided to act like one of those lonely alcoholics who often drown their sorrows into their drinks.
When I first planned the get-together, I figured that we would playing games, watching anime and just having fun. But unfortunately, the night was mostly dominated by Game of Thrones, a show that I don't care for.
The second part of my depression manifesting itself is the fact that these get-togethers are difficult to plan. One friend is going to grad school again and I already that one is getting married. Just to think that a few years ago, these get-togethers were more common and easier to plan.
Yesterday, I tried to talk to my therapist about this and left without a sense of closure for some reason. In light of recent changes, I told him that I was considering just inviting them to hang-out somewhere or go to dinner like with most friendships. But then I brought up the issue with making conversation and my Asperger's.
Unless I can start off talking about video games, anime, music or possibly... writing, I cannot start a good conversation. I don't particularly enjoy talking about my life outside of my interests because there is nothing positive to speak of with my unemployment, lack of a girlfriend abd other stuff. It doesn't help that my grandfather/dad just tells me to talk about other things.
People on the internet like to toss around "autism" like an insult but they don't understand how much of a struggle it is for us.
The other reason I left without a sense of closure was because I expected an objective opinion. I know therapists are supposed to be kind and constructive, but my mind just has difficulty accepting that advice. I guess I can blame my long time spent on the Internet for making me accept opinions like "get a life, loser" than something constructive.
On the bright side, I got around finishing Spice and Wolf II last week, and Shiki and Darker Than Black have been revitalizing my interest in anime. I may also be getting some feedback on my novel too.
But that day, I just did a few household chores and loitered around the basement, listening to music. During that time, I wished that the party would have lasted longer. But then I regarded that as something only a child would say. My friends have their own lives, careers and one of them is even getting married. "I should just quitting acting a child and become an 'adult'. Deal with the pain."
But I'm just a reclusive NEET with an Asperger's and long-term depression.
However, I think my depression was already starting to manifest itself during the party.
When my friends went out onto the balcony to drink alcohol, I just sat down on the couch and sulked. I had The Beach Boys' "I Guess I Just Wasn't Made For These Times" and eventually The Beatles' "Nowhere Man" playing in the background while I slowly drank a bottle of cream soda like it was beer.
For some reason, I had decided to act like one of those lonely alcoholics who often drown their sorrows into their drinks.
When I first planned the get-together, I figured that we would playing games, watching anime and just having fun. But unfortunately, the night was mostly dominated by Game of Thrones, a show that I don't care for.
The second part of my depression manifesting itself is the fact that these get-togethers are difficult to plan. One friend is going to grad school again and I already that one is getting married. Just to think that a few years ago, these get-togethers were more common and easier to plan.
Yesterday, I tried to talk to my therapist about this and left without a sense of closure for some reason. In light of recent changes, I told him that I was considering just inviting them to hang-out somewhere or go to dinner like with most friendships. But then I brought up the issue with making conversation and my Asperger's.
Unless I can start off talking about video games, anime, music or possibly... writing, I cannot start a good conversation. I don't particularly enjoy talking about my life outside of my interests because there is nothing positive to speak of with my unemployment, lack of a girlfriend abd other stuff. It doesn't help that my grandfather/dad just tells me to talk about other things.
People on the internet like to toss around "autism" like an insult but they don't understand how much of a struggle it is for us.
The other reason I left without a sense of closure was because I expected an objective opinion. I know therapists are supposed to be kind and constructive, but my mind just has difficulty accepting that advice. I guess I can blame my long time spent on the Internet for making me accept opinions like "get a life, loser" than something constructive.
On the bright side, I got around finishing Spice and Wolf II last week, and Shiki and Darker Than Black have been revitalizing my interest in anime. I may also be getting some feedback on my novel too.
Posted by DeadSnow24th | Jun 2, 2015 10:13 AM | 2 comments
May 4th, 2015
This'll have to do
Anime Relations: NHK ni Youkoso!
To start, all of my TV shows are having their season finales this week and next week. Normally, I might be complaining. But I see this as an opportunity.
Though my dad/grandfather (I just prefer to call him my father) didn't like Evangelion (because of the ending), I'm thinking of getting him to watch Ghost in the Shell:Stand Alone Complex. I've got the complete series on DVD, so why not?
Also been taking a break from writing since I'm waiting for my birthmother to finishing reading the preview copy of my novel I sent her. Haven't received any feedback yet.
I used to have a paranoia that people may "steal my novel" if I posted it online, but I think I'm at the point where I don't care that much. It was copyrighted to me from the moment I typed in the first word. Still, I prefer to send it over PM.
Perhaps I should share it more.
I've also realized that I spent much of last week posting in MAL's community than actually watching anime.
Though my dad/grandfather (I just prefer to call him my father) didn't like Evangelion (because of the ending), I'm thinking of getting him to watch Ghost in the Shell:Stand Alone Complex. I've got the complete series on DVD, so why not?
Also been taking a break from writing since I'm waiting for my birthmother to finishing reading the preview copy of my novel I sent her. Haven't received any feedback yet.
I used to have a paranoia that people may "steal my novel" if I posted it online, but I think I'm at the point where I don't care that much. It was copyrighted to me from the moment I typed in the first word. Still, I prefer to send it over PM.
Perhaps I should share it more.
I've also realized that I spent much of last week posting in MAL's community than actually watching anime.
Posted by DeadSnow24th | May 4, 2015 7:46 AM | 2 comments